Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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