4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
