I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
smell my finger.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
