who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
