Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
