I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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