life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to make out with him forever
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
