You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
