Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
