So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
