Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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