just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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