Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
