I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
