Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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