captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
