One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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