Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
