u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just gift wrapped bread.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You're like the curious george of whores
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
