I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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