Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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