did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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