i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
