You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
