Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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