he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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