i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
