i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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