I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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