I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize