her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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