can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
