Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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