My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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