I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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