So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
