I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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