i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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