Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
that's an acceptable place to lick
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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