Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Randomize
