i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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