uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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