WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
