did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
