24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
