End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
