Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
