When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
