okay pat passed out under dana's car
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
