Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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