I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
