I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
