after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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