Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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