i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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