I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
