She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
