Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
