Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We left an ass print on the piano.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize