when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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