Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
