You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
