Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
