One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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