I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
