Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
