Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
